|Influences||Krystal Sutherland, Bronte sisters, Maggie Stiefvater|
|Bio||Environmental science and wildlife conservation student with an interest in blog writing and short stories. I love to read, day dream and move... anywhere from zumba to yoga.|
The chick in the egg shell
There was a time when my life was very dark. I was lost inside my teenage brain. I didn’t want to talk to my family or friends, I needed someone I could talk to, that didn’t know me or my life, someone that wouldn’t judge me or advise me, just listen. I had just moved to a new country, broken up with my boyfriend and felt very vulnerable. I know we have all been here before. I ended up looking online to meet new friends, people to talk to. I started off mostly talking to girls my age, but they never really kept a conversation going, I think they were more interested in talking to boys. Obviously, teenagers!
I spoke to a few boys/men anywhere from 18 to 30 years of age. They were all looking for people to talk to because they were lonely too. I soon found maybe 4 people I could talk to, they didn’t know my real name, they didn’t know where I was from or anything to identify me. They just knew my online name and well my life. I didn’t have any photos up, so they didn’t even know what I looked like.
I found great comfort when I spoke to these 4 people, sadly they were all of the opposite sex, no girl really opened up. I had no plans to meet any of these people in person, I didn’t know what they looked like, didn’t know where they lived, we just spoke when we felt lonely or just needed to have a chat.
In between university and work I spoke to these people for over 4 months, usually on my train ride home from university or work.
One day I was talking to one of the older men when they decided to change the entire purpose of them spending time talking to me. He wanted to meet in person to see me. At first, I didn’t want to do this of course but then I thought I might give it a go.
I had read so many horror stories of how these online meetings with strangers can go wrong, for all I know he could be some psycho. I planned the meet up in a public place so I wouldn’t be trapped with him alone. By this time, I had spoken to him on the phone and he definitely was no boy, he was a man with a mature voice. He also spoke very wisely about the world, which was one of the reasons I spoke to him.
I arrived at a shopping mall, I was on the 3rd floor, I had asked him to come meet me on the 2nd floor. Near a newsagency. I was on the 3rd floor standing directly above the newsagency, but no one coming there would be able to see me from the newsagency. He didn’t know what I looked like so that helped.
I saw a man come and stand in front of the newsagency. The man I spoke on the phone told me he was 30, I was 19. The man that came to stand in front of the newsagency was not 30, he looked much older, at least 40. I wasn’t sure if it was him, so I put my phone on silent, in case it was him and I rang his number, sure enough this man picked up the phone and answered. He had lied to me and I felt like he must have surely lied about a lot more.
You can’t trust people online and this just justified that argument. What a waste of time, he was looking around to find me. I answered and asked him how old are you really? I saw him panic and look around, I think he was trying to meet me regardless, he probably thought I would be too timid to run away? He said he can explain himself, why he lied, I told him sorry I can’t trust you. So, I deleted him off my phone and never spoke to him again.
A few weeks later I saw him at the shopping mall with 2 kids, probably his children, more lies! I felt so unsafe after this happened. Now I stopped talking to the other 3 boys I was talking to. I deleted the app off my phone. I carried on with my life, I wasn’t really a happy person, but I still kept my thoughts to myself and mostly journaled.
After a few months, one day I thought I would download this app again and check it out because I was bored. I opened up the same profile and saw that out of the 3 boys I was talking to only 1 still had his account active. Hi user ID was Danny. I messaged him , Hi Danny…. It wasn’t his real name.
The next day he said hi back and we hit it off again. I enjoyed talking to him so much, he was funny and witty. He asked if I would like to meet. I was not very keen, especially after my last encounter… I agreed to see him a month later. I put it off by saying I was busy with work and university. He understood. So, we met one day at a busy park…. See I was very careful….
I was sitting close to a few trees and I saw a boy ,about the same age as me, walk towards the park from the car park…. He was drop dead gorgeous…. I looked away quickly because I didn’t want to seem like I was staring. He came a few feet away from me… I got a text in my phone saying I am here with a chick in the eggshell emoji.
That was our thing, the way we said hi to each other, “the chick in the eggshell…” it was so stupid. I smiled and I saw the boy next to me look up at me and smile, I smiled back and asked, “Danny?” He laughed and said, “yes…. “ .I didn’t know what to say after that, we walked close to each other and he said Hi again. “My real name is Adrian by the way” He smiled. I smiled back and told him what my real name was. He was brunet, studied at university and he was really cute.
I wondered why a boy so handsome and charming was online to speak to random people. I was sure he had a story. He offered to take me for a drive so we could talk, but that sent off a red alarm in my head, He could be transporting me to his old uncle for slavery!!!
I asked him if we could sit in his car and talk for a bit before we went for a drive and he agreed, we spoke for some time and I really liked him. We went for a drive after that and no he didn’t sell me for slavery.
We spoke more after meeting that day. We met again after that and we kissed. That must have been the best kiss I have had up to date. I was all butterflies and lightheaded. I think I liked him more than he liked me. I found out after meeting him about 3 times that he spoke to other people on the app, that stung me a bit, but I spoke to other people too, so I shrugged it off. It was when he told me that he met up with other girls too that I felt a punch to my gut.
I don’t know what I was expecting from him anyway. We were just friends, that got on really well and occasionally hugged and kissed? Everything was so complicated these days, I didn’t know what was exclusive, what was friendship, what was casual? He made it clear that we were casual, I think that is why he told me about the other people he was seeing.
This boy Adrian was gorgeous, cute and friendly but he didn’t like me ENOUGH… I decided to give it a break and stop talking to him, he still kept in contact occasionally. It didn’t make a big difference to him that we didn’t talk as much. My poor teenage heart was in pieces.
“I have come to fall in love with him just over a few months. I loved that we used the chick emoji to start every conversation and that he was very kind and gentle with me.”
After a few months, I contacted him, and he was overseas…. He wanted to meet when he got back. We met, we kissed, I fell back in the same loop, daydreaming, texting, joking around and hugging. Lots and lots of hugging…. He introduced me to one of his friends that I didn’t really like that much, after that day he was a bit different, it felt like he was letting me go.
I felt used and neglected, so I stopped talking again… This didn’t feel very healthy… My ex came back into my life and I decided to give it a go….
I bumped into Danny again accidently at work, He was still very charming… he contacted me after that and asked if I would like to spend Valentine’s Day with him, I felt so special, but I remembered how he did this only when he felt like it. And I had decided to let my ex back into my life… I rejected his offer (biggest mistake ever).
We didn’t talk after that, my relationship with my ex fell through again and I still thought about Danny…. I tried to contact him again, but I was too late… He was engaged to a beautiful girl…. Married even, I don’t know…. I only saw a photo…